I need a miracle.

It's 5.00 in the morning,
Another sleepless night of many,
A broken heart and a weary mind,
And I feel like these walls are going to crash down on me...
Because it's hard, going on knowing I'll never see you again.

And Lord do I know, I have bigger fish to fry...
But if given a magic lamp right now,
I'd wish for the chance to see you one last time.
Over anything else in this entire Universe.

God what I wouldn't give,
To have had the chance to say goodbye.

This Christmas if I had known, I would have treked through the snow.
All those miles,
Across this country,
All the way,
Just to reach you.

I can't even mention your name or look at your picture,
Without falling to pieces.
Whenever I dream about you,
I wake up blissful until I realize,
It was all a dream.

I feel like my friend has been stolen from me.
It's a tough fact to face.
And I've spent enough time denying it and hiding it.
Acting as if God and life has cheated me because of it.
And everywhere I go people say time is a healer.
But I feel just as much sorrow as the day you passed.

I secretly miss changing my clothes before I leave the house because you were afraid strange men would kidnap me.
And butter on my carrots.
And pretending to like Fair City and the Opera because it made you happy.
No more candles or letters or cards.
No more Andrea Bocelli on replay.

Those were times, I will never forget.
Not a single day has went by that I haven't thought about you and in the future no doubt it will be the same.

And I know you died in the perfect way and that you are at peace,
But what I wouldn't give,
Just to see you once again.

Because I feel so lost and lonely.
And don't know where to turn.

And I've spent these past few months a former shadow of myself.
Because I feel like nobody else understands.
But no more.
Because I know I'm not alone.

You are still here,
When the sun shines I feel you,
When I hear melodies and high octave notes, I can see you smile.
When I feel weak, I feel you pressing on my back,
Pushing me forward.

But now that you're gone,
I wonder who's gonna light me candles now?
Is there a stream of them in heaven?
I'm just afraid I guess,
But I'll move past this.
And come out the other end.

And never mind the candles,
It's about time I lit a few for you.
:)